My sister is having a baby. She is due in three days. She is having a baby girl. I remember several months ago when I found out she was having a girl. She had bought cupcakes and filled them with pink filling. When we all bit into them and saw the pink, that's when we knew it was a girl. I think everyone around me yelled and ooohhh'd and aaahhh'd...everyone but me. I suddenly, and unexpectedly became quiet and wanted to be alone. I was slightly happy, but mostly sad. Not sad she was having a girl, but sad I didn't still have mine. All my dreams and plans of being a mom to a daughter were gone. I remember when I had my ultrasound to find out what Maggie was. I wore blue b/c I wanted a boy! When I found out I was having a girl, I was so scared! I never was a girly girl and wasn't quite sure how to be a mom to a girl. But over time, I became excited! I laid on the couch and talked to her and sang to her in my belly. I watched her kick the remote control off of my belly. I had many conversations with her. Then one day...suddenly...it all changed. My sweet husband couldn't bring his baby girl home, and my daddy couldn't sit Maggie in his lap and tell her silly stories. My mom couldn't sing to her and teach her piano. My sister was there in the hospital with us constantly it seemed. She loved Maggie so much. And here we are, 8 years later, and a baby girl is on her way. Satan could easily attack me with anger and bitterness. I cling to Jesus in times like that. My daddy will hold Kinleigh and tell her silly stories, and my mom will sing to her and teach her piano. And you know what? That is awesome. God has blessed me SO much with two silly and wonderful sons and I couldn't love them any more than I do. My daddy takes them fishing and Matt plays ball with them. My mom laughs endlessly at them. They are joy and they are gifts, and that is what Kinleigh will be! I can't wait to meet her and hold her...and after 7 years of being a mom, I'll be happy to be able to hand her back to her mom!!!!
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2 comments:
I look forward to the day when we will see sweet Maggie again. I've wondered if this has been difficult for you and am praising God for how much grace He has given you to love your precious niece without bitterness and regret even if there is some sadness. I look forward to that post of Facebook announcing her arrival!
Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggles. I love you, sweet sister. Praying for safe arrival of Kinleigh and for you as your heart continues to grieve and love and long for your little girl.
B
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